Daddy Issues - Part Two

If you want to catch up and want to understand this post, you can click here and read the first part of my rant story. 

So, as I left off, I was in college and got that dreaded and age inappropriate card from my non-existent sperm donor.  After that, he had a knack of somehow finding me.  I blame his adoptive mother who he would use keep in touch with to get to me.  (Side note:  he HATED his adoptive mother.)  I did not communicate with him in any type of way and I really can't remember how long he kept up his charade of caring and thinking about me. 

Fast forward to my wedding in 2003, roughly 3 1/2 years since the who college card incident.  I invited the sperm donor to my wedding out of sheer obligation.  In no way was this man going to have anything to do with walking me down the aisle.  My step-dad, who was more of a father to me than the sperm donor, was going to get that honor.  I didn't even include him in the church seating reserved for family.  I really thought he wouldn't even show up even though he sent back the reply card that stated he would be there plus one.  On his reply card he wrote that he was bringing his best friend and that he thought that I would really like her...what the hell did he know about what type of a person I would or would not like?  He hadn't seen me since I was 10 and obviously from his choice of birthday cards thought I was still 10!  Any who, like I said, I really didn't think he would show up.  I was wrong.  I was at the church getting ready and my now SIL came into the room and stated that my dad was there.  I kind of lost it and started to cry and said that I couldn't deal with that right now.  She said ok and left and told him I don't know what because I never asked.  It was my turn to take pictures before the ceremony and I walked out in to the church lobby and saw him.  Again I started to cry and my mom and aunts rushed over to me to calm me down and tell me not to smear my makeup.  I pulled it together and took some pictures.  I included the sperm donor in one of the father pictures because it was kind of awkward to have him staring at me all starry eyed and proud.  (I didn't include that picture in my album.)  I also included him in the bride side of the family picture after the ceremony as well.

At the reception, he sat at a table with some friends of both mine and Jerry's, but I really can't remember who had to put up with the pleasure of his company.  I did the traditional father/daughter dance to "Butterfly Kisses" with my step-dad.  I wanted to do a parent dance as well to honor all our parents.  (Jerry's mom and dad are also divorced...such good statistics for us.)  Jerry danced with his mom, his sister danced with his dad, my parents danced with each other and I danced with the sperm donor.  He held me entirely too close and I kinda kept pushing him away.  He kept telling me how proud he was of me and that I looked really happy and he was glad he could make it.  He also asked me if I remembered that we used to dance like this when I was little.  I told him no, but what I really wanted to say was that I didn't think anything like that ever happened because I don't remember him being around that much and to be honest I didn't really have ANY memories of him and those that I did have were not good.  The dance was over and I was relieved to push him away so I didn't have to listen to any more of his bullshit.  I pretty much ignored him for the rest of the night.  My mom did grab him once and danced with him...she's such a good person and truly wants me to forgive him, but I just can't.  He left before the reception was over because he had to drive back to New Jersey.  Good riddance!

After my wedding, he tried to keep in touch by sending cards for holidays, always signed "Love, Mark."  I never sent him anything...again with the whole passive-aggressiveness.  (I really don't know why I have such a hard time telling him off.) 

Last year, he found me on Facebook through the hubs.  I friended him because I had Kaitlyn, I did send him a birth announcement, and thought it couldn't hurt to give him a long distance glimpse of Kaitlyn.  Let me tell you, he turned into a full time stalker!  He liked everything I would do, he commented on almost all of my pictures of Kaitlyn and he commented on all my status updates.  It really annoyed me.  My sister noticed this too and said something to me and all I could do was shake my head. 

One day he sent me a message through Facebook asking me to tell my mother to back up off him and that he didn't have any money and he never would have any money and to just leave him alone.  (A few years ago, my mom started to receive $100 checks from the state of Indiana every week.  They were docking his pay from all the child support that he never gave my mom and she NEVER asked for.)  I guess the state of Indiana was really going after him for back child support and he thought my mom was going after him.  First, why the hell would she be going after him now?  I am an adult who is married with her own children.  Second, why the hell would I tell her to back off?  She deserves EVERY cent she can squeeze out of him!  I again ignored him; Jerry told me to delete him as a friend, but I didn't.  Then he was bashing my mom on his Facebook page and that really pissed me off.  These "people" that he friended were bashing my mom right along with him.  Again, I said nothing.  Then he did the ultimate no, no.  He stole a picture from my page of Kaitlyn and he posted it to his page!  That sent me into a tailspin.  He even wrote as the caption, "It's only going to be up for a few minutes because my daughter will be mad I took this."  WTF!?  You know it will piss me off, but yet you still did it?  Oh hell no!  That's my daughter and you don't get to play proud "grandpa".  I immediately deleted him as a friend.  He sent me a friend request the next day with the message of "What did I do to get deleted?"  I ignored it, do we see a pattern here, and thought he would go away.  Not so lucky.  Right now I have a friend request from him that has been there for about a month.  I figured he would keep sending me requests and this way I can ignore him my way.  I did send him a birth announcement of Tyler, but that is the only picture he will ever see of my son. 

I should just write him a message telling him to leave me alone and that he has hurt me enough and I don't want anything to do with him, but I probably won't.  I'll try to ignore him and hope he goes away for good.  I don't think I'll get that lucky because obviously he doesn't get that I don't want or need him in my life and he thinks he deserves father of the year.  *Sigh*