Cute Kids

Because I think my babies are the cutest in the world, here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Kaitlyn before a graduation party.

Tyler sitting in the playroom.

Tyler rolling over.

Kaitlyn, well, being Kaitlyn

Hormones

Anyone need some?  Because apparently I have extra; a lot extra.  I definitely did not have any kind emotional break down after I had Kaitlyn.  (I did cry a lot, but it was not because I had PPD.  We had to euthanize my beloved chihuahua the day after we brought Kaitlyn home from the hospital and I was a complete and utter wreck and would have been even if I didn't just give birth to a baby.)  I did have a lot of help though.  I knew that I did not have to return to work for 6 1/2 months, Jerry took two weeks paternity leave, and my mother came over every day to feed me and clean my house.  All I really had to do was live in baby bliss.  I was able to nap when the baby napped and just enjoy my time with her.  I did a lot of research, played with her, read to her and was just really wrapped up with her.

With Tyler, completely different story.  Jerry had to leave the Monday after Tyler was born for California and would be gone for 4 days.  (I had Tyler late on Thursday night and had to stay in the hospital till Saturday.  Jerry spent most of Saturday and Sunday packing for his trip.)  I had Kaitlyn to take care of as well.  There was no sleeping when the baby slept because I had an almost two year old to take care of.  I was exhausted to say the least.  I tried to nap on the couch while Tyler slept and Kaitlyn ate her breakfast, but she would constantly yell "Mommy wake up!"  How could I ignore that when she was screaming that inches from my face?  I had to tend to her needs as well as a very demanding baby boy who could not seem to get enough breast milk because he wouldn't latch for more than 3 seconds.  I called Jerry after I finally got both kids to sleep and bawled my eyes out on his voicemail.  He called me back and asked me if he needed to come home and I said walk don't run to the nearest ticket vendor and get your stupid ass home  no.  I told him I would be ok and that he should at least try to suffer miserably without me on the freaking golf course rubbing elbows with celebrities and a spa day enjoy his trip.  When my mother finally came over to feed me and basically clean my house that night, I lost it again.  I mean cue emotional breakdown!  She hugged me, then sat me down and forced me to eat the soup she brought.  She washed dishes, swept my floors and probably would have mopped to but I have one of those steam mops and she really didn't know how to use it.  She gave Kaitlyn a bath and cleaned the bathroom while she was playing.  She got her dressed for bed and read to her.  She offered to take the dog out for a walk, but I jumped on that because I needed to get out into the fresh air even if it was colder than Alaska and it was pitch black.  It got better as the days went on, but I was probably too exhausted from lack of sleep to cry.  My mother truly is an angel sent from the Lord above because she too Kaitlyn to her house on Wednesday night to sleep over and to take care of the next day.  Jerry was also coming home late Thursday night, so relief was on its way.

I still cry VERY easily and get really sappy.  I cry during movie previews if they even mention death.  I cannot watch any shows about births, babies or weddings.  I can't watch sappy movies without going into hysterical crying fits.  I mean, I even cried the other day when I watched Never Ending Story and the horse died in the Swamp of Sorrows.  I've always been super emotional, but now it's really uncontrollable.  I definitely don't want to be prescribed any medication because I don't think my situation warrants medication, but maybe I'll partake in a little retail therapy.  Seriously though, I probably just need to talk to a professional to see what other alternatives there are for me.

The crying, can stop any minute now. 

Fake Milk?

So I read this post at Becoming Sarah about the feeding relationship between a mother and child.  She is in favor of whatever works best for mother and child..  She happens to breastfeed her daughter and I think it's wonderful that she is lucky enough to do so.  I guess when she was younger she heard the term fake milk and it pissed her off.  I have never heard that term before, but it would probably piss me off to no end if someone used that term with me for I am one of the mothers who feed their child fake milk, aka formula.

I planned on nursing Kaitlyn when she was born.  I bought a VERY expensive breast pump.  I did my research on holding positions.  I even registered for two Boppies.  I was ready to have my child latch on to my nipples and get her nourishment from me and me alone.  My child and body had other plans.  Kaitlyn was encouraged to breastfeed almost right out of the gate.  First I had to catch my  breath because she came so fast and I wanted them to clean most of the goo off of her because I am really squeamish with blood especially if it's my own.  I had four, yes four birthing nurses try and help me get her to latch.  TMI alert:  I have really big boobs and inverted nipples.  I know it's not nipple feeding and it's breastfeeding, but when you have a baby with a tiny mouth, they are going to have A LOT of trouble latching on to F boobs.  (Yes that's how big they were when I was pregnant and they got even bigger when my milk came in.)  She wouldn't do it.  She would just kind of hang around at my boob with her mouth open and fall asleep.  I had to wear breast shields to help my nipples come out.  Not very comfortable, but I did it for Kaitlyn.  I had three different lactation consultants and plenty of nurses come to my room to help me nurse Kaitlyn.  She would latch for maybe two sucks and then fall asleep.  We did everything to get her to wake up and nurse.  We supplemented with formula at the hospital so she would get some nourishment because she was getting nothing from me.  When we got home, my mom would come over every day and try to help me get Kaitlyn to latch.  She would literally scream her head off when she even came close to my boobs.  We would fight with her for over an hour and then give up.  I was able to pump for a month so I would give her breast milk during the day and formula at night.  She was still able to get those antibodies and I was satisfied.

Tyler, on the other hand, did latch, and unlatch, and latch, and unlatch.  I think I would have been more successful with Tyler if Jerry didn't have to go to California two days after we brought him home.  I was alone with an infant and a toddler for the first week.  Tyler wanted to eat every 30 minutes because I couldn't get him to latch and stay there.  I couldn't exactly keep this routine up while trying to take care of a not even two year old yet.  She had needs too.  She needed to eat and to be changed and to be played with too.  So I again pumped with Tyler just like I did with Kaitlyn.  I did what I was able to do for my children.

Both my children are healthy, happy, intelligent little people.  Kaitlyn hit all of her milestones early or on time.  She was speaking in full sentences when she was 14 months old.  People always ask me if she's 3, even before she turned two because of her speech.  Tyler is hitting most of his milestones early.  I think he will hit those physical milestones early but will be less verbal than Kaitlyn, just a guess though. 

Am I worried that my children aren't getting the same benefits that breastfed babies do?  Absolutely not.  So I say to you critics, bring on the fake milk!

Kids Really do Say the Darndest Thing

Kaitlyn is the funniest child on the planet.  (Remember, I am a lot little biased.)  She has been picking up the funniest sayings and will actually use them in the correct situation.  Like when I was telling her something the other day and she said "you said it sister!"  I about died laughing.  She will also watch my brother play Guitar Hero and tell him he rocks at the end of a song, or she'll ask him to rock out again.  She's a little comedian too; she really is because she tells knock, knock jokes.  Her favorite one goes like this:  "Knock, knock.  Who's there?  Orange.  Orange who?  Orange you gonna let me in?  It's hot out here!"  She enjoys running around the house making up her own words to the tune of Twinkle, twinkle or Row, row, row your boat.  She even made up a song to the tune of the Indiana University fight song.  (Yes she can sing the whole fight song by herself too.)  She yells giddy-up horsey and then tries to ride our Chihuahua Peanut.  (He's part Terrier too, so don't think he's this frail little 6 lb shaky dog.)  She makes me laugh every minute of the day.  Sometimes it is hard to discipline her because she is so damn funny.  Like when I was cooking the other day and I put a dessert I made on the dining room table.  I was on the phone with Jerry and I noticed Kaitlyn was sitting on the chair and she was eating the dessert.  I told her to stop eating the dessert and to get down from the table and she replied "but I thought you WANTED me to eat this."  Whose child says this?  Oh yea, mine.  I could go on and on.  Maybe one day I'll catch her doing something funny and will post the video here.

That Time of Year

As a high school teacher, I love this time of year.  Not just because it is summer, but because it's graduation time.  This year is the first year I have seen my students begin high school as newbie freshman and morph into mature seniors.  Unfortunately because of some politics at the beginning of the year, I wasn't able to see them all the way through to graduation because of the change in schools.  I did, however, get to see my "little" brother graduate.  I watched him and all of his friends walk across the stage at Brighthouse Field and accept their diplomas from their principal.  My brother graduated summa cum laude and will be attending FSU in the fall on a baseball scholarship.

Anywho, back on track to why I love graduations.  I love all they represent.  Being a teacher in this day and age, I get to experience what people in other fields do not.  I get to watch children enter their awkward teenage years and blossom into mature, young adults...for the most part.  There are some who still need time to mature and there are others who never will.  I get to see students who struggled all throughout their school career pull through and get that diploma with tears in their eyes because of the major achievement they accomplished.  I get to see their families, who have been there through their struggles, clap, cheer and fist pump as their students walks across that stage and take that diploma.  I LOVE it when they then put that diploma in the air as a sign of victory.  I love greeting them after the ceremony is over with hugs and high fives.  Sometimes I am introduced to parents that have begged and pleaded with me over e-mail or the phone to accept a late assignment or some extra credit.  I love getting the thank yous for pushing my students to a high level of achievement that they may not have experienced in any other class.  I love to see the tears in their eyes over the bonds they have made with their peers who will be moving on to other things. 

Graduation is a time where one chapter ends and another begins.  To the class of 2010, you did it!

5 Months

Dear Tyler,

You are 5 months old today.  The time flies by so much faster now that I have two beautiful babies.  You are the happiest little boy I have ever met.  You smile ALL THE TIME, especially when you see your momma, which of course makes my heart melt.  Everyone notices how much you love your momma.  You kick your feet and flap your arms when you see me and you smile so big. (I think grandma is jealous because she always makes comments about how much you love me.)  Daddy says he doesn't mind being second fiddle and that's just as well because you totally love me and I LOVE that.

You started to roll over early in your fourth month and now you actually like being on your tummy.  You love to do your mini-push ups so you can see what is going on around you.  When you spot a face, you smile so big.  (Because smiling is your favorite thing to do.)  I think you will be scooting around very soon as there are so many things for you to get in to.  And of course you want to get a hold of that dog that keeps licking your face.  You can also sit pretty well for a period of time before you topple over.  This is your favorite way to play with your feet, especially if you have socks on.  You don't fall over very often and you know how to get back up when you lean forward.  I think that's pretty good for 5 months.

You are a drooling fool!  I probably go through 2 bibs a day just for drool.  I keep checking for teeth but I'm not feeling anything yet.  I guess I'll just have to keep giving you cold teethers and washies for now.

You HATE the paci!  You won't even keep it in your mouth for a second.  I only try to give it to you because I think you might like it for your itchy gums.  You love to suck on your arm or fingers and you get very mad when I offer you the paci.  They always have the paci clipped to you at daycare, but I never see it in your mouth.  You are usually playing with the clip and trying to put it in your mouth, but just to chew on.  Maybe this is a good thing and I won't have to traumatize you by taking it away later.

At your 4 month appointment, you weighed 20lbs and I suspect that you have picked up a few pounds since then.  You are a VERY big boy.  You like to wiggle around when you are eating your bottle and that sometimes makes it very difficult to hold you.  I have to cross my legs and put you in the pocket my legs make when I sit down to feed you just to accommodate your size and your squrimyness. 

You eat peas, green beans, squash, carrots, peaches and pears mixed in with your rice cereal twice a day along with your 5oz bottles about 6-7 times a day.  I don't think you like carrots very much because you get mad when I feed them to you but you still eat them because you LOVE to eat.  You open you mouth very wide to get the spoon in your mouth and I have to have the next bite ready or you get a little mad and lean up in your seat and grab my hands.  You giggle when you see your bottle and try to grab on to it and put it in your mouth before I sit down with you.  I'm very scared to see how you eat when you get older.  If you are as active as I think you will be, then you will be eating us out of house and home!

You sleep anywhere from 8-7 in the morning, except for those few nights when your teeth were really bothering you and you kept waking up at 4.  You are so easy to put to sleep right now.  I feed you a veggie with your rice cereal, give you a bath, put on your jammies, turn on your music and give you your bottle.  You know this routine so well that you have both fists in your mouth and you kick on the changing table because you are ready for bed.  Even if your eyes are wide open when I lay you down in your crib, you fall asleep within minutes.  Hopefully soon, I will be able to add in a bedtime story for you.

Your favorite toy, and mine too, is your jumperoo.  I'm not surprised because you love to be upright and this thing lets you spin and jump and see all the action that's going on around you.  You love to spin the little sun and lizard and you love to nom on the butterfly teether.  You can even reach the bird and frog above your head and you try to pull them down to nom on.  I think your favorite part is being able to watch your sister run around.  You yell if she's not playing with you and she quickly comes over to pull on your jumperoo or spin you around.

Speaking of your sister, you love that little girl and that makes me very happy.  You stare at her in amazement and you follow her around the room.  If she lays next to you, you reach out to touch her.  Of course she complains that you're hitting her, or poking her, or scratching her, but it doesn't stop you from grabbing a handful of her hair and tugging with all your might and smiling the whole time.  My dream is that the two of you have a wonderful relationship and are close.  (And I pray that you don't fight or beat each other up too much.) 

You are my little ray of sunshine.  You make me happy and apparently I make you happy too.

Love always,
Mommy

Daddy Issues - Part Two

If you want to catch up and want to understand this post, you can click here and read the first part of my rant story. 

So, as I left off, I was in college and got that dreaded and age inappropriate card from my non-existent sperm donor.  After that, he had a knack of somehow finding me.  I blame his adoptive mother who he would use keep in touch with to get to me.  (Side note:  he HATED his adoptive mother.)  I did not communicate with him in any type of way and I really can't remember how long he kept up his charade of caring and thinking about me. 

Fast forward to my wedding in 2003, roughly 3 1/2 years since the who college card incident.  I invited the sperm donor to my wedding out of sheer obligation.  In no way was this man going to have anything to do with walking me down the aisle.  My step-dad, who was more of a father to me than the sperm donor, was going to get that honor.  I didn't even include him in the church seating reserved for family.  I really thought he wouldn't even show up even though he sent back the reply card that stated he would be there plus one.  On his reply card he wrote that he was bringing his best friend and that he thought that I would really like her...what the hell did he know about what type of a person I would or would not like?  He hadn't seen me since I was 10 and obviously from his choice of birthday cards thought I was still 10!  Any who, like I said, I really didn't think he would show up.  I was wrong.  I was at the church getting ready and my now SIL came into the room and stated that my dad was there.  I kind of lost it and started to cry and said that I couldn't deal with that right now.  She said ok and left and told him I don't know what because I never asked.  It was my turn to take pictures before the ceremony and I walked out in to the church lobby and saw him.  Again I started to cry and my mom and aunts rushed over to me to calm me down and tell me not to smear my makeup.  I pulled it together and took some pictures.  I included the sperm donor in one of the father pictures because it was kind of awkward to have him staring at me all starry eyed and proud.  (I didn't include that picture in my album.)  I also included him in the bride side of the family picture after the ceremony as well.

At the reception, he sat at a table with some friends of both mine and Jerry's, but I really can't remember who had to put up with the pleasure of his company.  I did the traditional father/daughter dance to "Butterfly Kisses" with my step-dad.  I wanted to do a parent dance as well to honor all our parents.  (Jerry's mom and dad are also divorced...such good statistics for us.)  Jerry danced with his mom, his sister danced with his dad, my parents danced with each other and I danced with the sperm donor.  He held me entirely too close and I kinda kept pushing him away.  He kept telling me how proud he was of me and that I looked really happy and he was glad he could make it.  He also asked me if I remembered that we used to dance like this when I was little.  I told him no, but what I really wanted to say was that I didn't think anything like that ever happened because I don't remember him being around that much and to be honest I didn't really have ANY memories of him and those that I did have were not good.  The dance was over and I was relieved to push him away so I didn't have to listen to any more of his bullshit.  I pretty much ignored him for the rest of the night.  My mom did grab him once and danced with him...she's such a good person and truly wants me to forgive him, but I just can't.  He left before the reception was over because he had to drive back to New Jersey.  Good riddance!

After my wedding, he tried to keep in touch by sending cards for holidays, always signed "Love, Mark."  I never sent him anything...again with the whole passive-aggressiveness.  (I really don't know why I have such a hard time telling him off.) 

Last year, he found me on Facebook through the hubs.  I friended him because I had Kaitlyn, I did send him a birth announcement, and thought it couldn't hurt to give him a long distance glimpse of Kaitlyn.  Let me tell you, he turned into a full time stalker!  He liked everything I would do, he commented on almost all of my pictures of Kaitlyn and he commented on all my status updates.  It really annoyed me.  My sister noticed this too and said something to me and all I could do was shake my head. 

One day he sent me a message through Facebook asking me to tell my mother to back up off him and that he didn't have any money and he never would have any money and to just leave him alone.  (A few years ago, my mom started to receive $100 checks from the state of Indiana every week.  They were docking his pay from all the child support that he never gave my mom and she NEVER asked for.)  I guess the state of Indiana was really going after him for back child support and he thought my mom was going after him.  First, why the hell would she be going after him now?  I am an adult who is married with her own children.  Second, why the hell would I tell her to back off?  She deserves EVERY cent she can squeeze out of him!  I again ignored him; Jerry told me to delete him as a friend, but I didn't.  Then he was bashing my mom on his Facebook page and that really pissed me off.  These "people" that he friended were bashing my mom right along with him.  Again, I said nothing.  Then he did the ultimate no, no.  He stole a picture from my page of Kaitlyn and he posted it to his page!  That sent me into a tailspin.  He even wrote as the caption, "It's only going to be up for a few minutes because my daughter will be mad I took this."  WTF!?  You know it will piss me off, but yet you still did it?  Oh hell no!  That's my daughter and you don't get to play proud "grandpa".  I immediately deleted him as a friend.  He sent me a friend request the next day with the message of "What did I do to get deleted?"  I ignored it, do we see a pattern here, and thought he would go away.  Not so lucky.  Right now I have a friend request from him that has been there for about a month.  I figured he would keep sending me requests and this way I can ignore him my way.  I did send him a birth announcement of Tyler, but that is the only picture he will ever see of my son. 

I should just write him a message telling him to leave me alone and that he has hurt me enough and I don't want anything to do with him, but I probably won't.  I'll try to ignore him and hope he goes away for good.  I don't think I'll get that lucky because obviously he doesn't get that I don't want or need him in my life and he thinks he deserves father of the year.  *Sigh*

Shift in Thinking

My title is Secondary Science Instructional Coach.  Sounds pretty official, right?  I like it.  I also like what I do.  In a nutshell, I get to be the ultimate resource for teachers in my department, mostly for the science department, but really I would help anyone who wanted it.  I took this position mainly because I felt I could help more students be successful in school than I can with just the students I am given in my own "little" classes.  (Little means I average about 35 students per class and that is in a good, non-budget cutting year.)

I have learned a lot in my new position and I have had a shift in my educational thinking.  I totally don't buy into the whole maybe it's not the fish, it's the water bullshit, but I do believe that there may be things that we are adding to the water that is making it difficult for our little guppies to swim.

The biggest complaint I hear from teachers is "I don't have enough time to get through my curriculum."  Then I walk by a classroom and the students are watching a movie.  Well, they aren't really watching.  I guess they're supposed to take notes or answer some questions on a worksheet, but they're not really watching it.  On other days I walk by and I see students doing anything and everything but their work and the teacher is at their desk doing God knows what on their computers.  I have even seen some teachers read the paper in class.  So when I hear "I don't have time" I say are you "teaching" from bell-to-bell.

I hear teachers complain that students these days, for the most part, are broken.  They come from broken homes, they are apathetic, they are addicted to drugs, they are disrespectful, etc, etc.  (BTW, teachers complain A LOT.)  Then I read research on the single most important factor to a child's education: Teachers.  Now, if the teacher is busy complaining about the student instead of educating them, who is the broken one?  I'm not saying that all those factors aren't obstacles for teachers, and I'm also not saying they don't have valid issues.  Teachers are, in my opinion, the single most important factor in a child's education.  This is definitely not saying that those other factors are not important, but teachers play a huge role. 

Teachers complain that they have no home support, therefore the student is doomed to failure.  I say what have you done to get the parent involved in the student's education?  Have you called home?  If that was unsuccessful, did you try to find another adult that does support that student's education?  Maybe there is a role model program that you can recommend for that student.  Maybe you could be that student's support.

Teachers complain that students don't come to school.  (Well, they do come to school for the most part, they are just skipping your class.)  I say what have you done to make your class inviting and engaging to students?  You don't have to throw a party or entertain them, you are not a party planner or circus clown, but you do have to make your subject matter interesting.  So many times I observe a class where the students are sitting at their desks, texting, doodling, daydreaming, poking their eyes out with their pencils (ok, maybe that's just me) and the teacher is at the front of they class lecturing.  Who the hell wants to sit through 45 minutes of someone else talk about cell theory?  You have to get the students doing other things.  There are so many strategies out there that move away from the lecture/note model of teaching that the kids actually do.  My kids LOVED doing foldable.  It got them using their hands and they had to put some thought into what they were doing.  They could also use it to *gasp* study from.  I never had a student refuse to do a foldable.  Even if they copied someone other student's foldable, they are still learning something.

There are a plethora of other complaints that I hear from teachers but I'm blogging, nor and I writing a novel.  I am also guilty of complaining about these very same and REAL issues.  Yes, there are hurdles that the DOE and government throw at us because a group of legislators or people who have not seen a classroom in years thinks that they know what is best for out students.  But if we are truly doing our best and using best practices and learning strategies in our classrooms, then maybe we wouldn't have so much to complain about and we can get back to doing what we do best: educating our children.