Hormones

Anyone need some?  Because apparently I have extra; a lot extra.  I definitely did not have any kind emotional break down after I had Kaitlyn.  (I did cry a lot, but it was not because I had PPD.  We had to euthanize my beloved chihuahua the day after we brought Kaitlyn home from the hospital and I was a complete and utter wreck and would have been even if I didn't just give birth to a baby.)  I did have a lot of help though.  I knew that I did not have to return to work for 6 1/2 months, Jerry took two weeks paternity leave, and my mother came over every day to feed me and clean my house.  All I really had to do was live in baby bliss.  I was able to nap when the baby napped and just enjoy my time with her.  I did a lot of research, played with her, read to her and was just really wrapped up with her.

With Tyler, completely different story.  Jerry had to leave the Monday after Tyler was born for California and would be gone for 4 days.  (I had Tyler late on Thursday night and had to stay in the hospital till Saturday.  Jerry spent most of Saturday and Sunday packing for his trip.)  I had Kaitlyn to take care of as well.  There was no sleeping when the baby slept because I had an almost two year old to take care of.  I was exhausted to say the least.  I tried to nap on the couch while Tyler slept and Kaitlyn ate her breakfast, but she would constantly yell "Mommy wake up!"  How could I ignore that when she was screaming that inches from my face?  I had to tend to her needs as well as a very demanding baby boy who could not seem to get enough breast milk because he wouldn't latch for more than 3 seconds.  I called Jerry after I finally got both kids to sleep and bawled my eyes out on his voicemail.  He called me back and asked me if he needed to come home and I said walk don't run to the nearest ticket vendor and get your stupid ass home  no.  I told him I would be ok and that he should at least try to suffer miserably without me on the freaking golf course rubbing elbows with celebrities and a spa day enjoy his trip.  When my mother finally came over to feed me and basically clean my house that night, I lost it again.  I mean cue emotional breakdown!  She hugged me, then sat me down and forced me to eat the soup she brought.  She washed dishes, swept my floors and probably would have mopped to but I have one of those steam mops and she really didn't know how to use it.  She gave Kaitlyn a bath and cleaned the bathroom while she was playing.  She got her dressed for bed and read to her.  She offered to take the dog out for a walk, but I jumped on that because I needed to get out into the fresh air even if it was colder than Alaska and it was pitch black.  It got better as the days went on, but I was probably too exhausted from lack of sleep to cry.  My mother truly is an angel sent from the Lord above because she too Kaitlyn to her house on Wednesday night to sleep over and to take care of the next day.  Jerry was also coming home late Thursday night, so relief was on its way.

I still cry VERY easily and get really sappy.  I cry during movie previews if they even mention death.  I cannot watch any shows about births, babies or weddings.  I can't watch sappy movies without going into hysterical crying fits.  I mean, I even cried the other day when I watched Never Ending Story and the horse died in the Swamp of Sorrows.  I've always been super emotional, but now it's really uncontrollable.  I definitely don't want to be prescribed any medication because I don't think my situation warrants medication, but maybe I'll partake in a little retail therapy.  Seriously though, I probably just need to talk to a professional to see what other alternatives there are for me.

The crying, can stop any minute now.